Motherlode: People have been screwing up takeout orders since they were invented

I recently remembered an old game we used to play when the kids were younger. The best way to add an element of surprise and anticipation to any dinner was to order it for pick up. Before they could drive, I’d pay at the drive-thru window, then hand off the bag to the kids.

While I focused on making a left on Guelph Line, they’d rifle through the contents. We didn’t do a lot of this; I was too broke, the food was not good, but sometimes the day had just been hitting me over the head and I needed it to end. Nobody has ever made the “broccoli again?” face while peering into a paper bag from a fast-food joint.

Without fail, by the time we pulled into the driveway, the Phantom of the Takeout Order was warming up. I’d grab serviettes while the boys would start divvying up the food just in time for the production to really begin. “Uh, mom? They forgot your burger.

” “Two of us ordered the same thing.” “I know, but they forgot yours.” I have never been someone who says, “it’s not the money, it’s the principle” because for people who say that it’s almost always about the money.

I am not driving back to a restaurant or a store to fuss over something that will suck even more time from my day or raise my blood pressure. I’m also too lazy to hold up the line and inspect my order, or pull over in the parking lot to do the same thing. That’s on me; people have been screwing up takeout orders since they were invented, but if I’m getting dinner this way.