DEAR MAYO CLINIC: I'm a people-pleaser by nature and have difficulty saying no or setting limits in my relationships. How can I start to create healthier boundaries in a kind yet firm way? ANSWER: People have various types of relationships, including partners, spouses, children, friends, co-workers, neighbors and acquaintances. Different relationships involve different interactions, responsibilities and influences.
Every relationship has boundaries or rules of engagement. You may be deliberate and conscientious about these boundaries, or they may have formed subconsciously. Developing and maintaining healthy boundaries helps you establish and build healthy relationships and avoid unhealthy connections with people.
Setting healthy boundaries is necessary for your health and the health of your relationships. Living within these boundaries you create is crucial to lowering stress and increasing satisfaction in life, particularly with the responsibilities and tasks in your personal life and work. Anxiety and stress develop when you take responsibility for others' emotions, behaviors and thoughts.
Many anxieties people experience are due to poor boundaries. A principle I refer to is the "law of relationships." It identifies that you can't control what others think, feel or do, and you are solely responsible for what you think, feel and do.
Identifying and stating the boundaries in relationships that support this law clarifies where your responsibilities and authority stop, and the.