I’ve written a lot about dating for this specific website – especially as someone who, until recently, had never been in a long-term relationship. (Or maybe that’s why I’ve written so much about dating; what is there to report from the depths of a couple’s love nest?) But ever since I met my now-partner almost three years ago, I’ve felt two things simultaneously: 1) consistent, occasionally overwhelming joy (duh) and 2) a distant confusion at how an officially partnered person is supposed to act, feel, respond to things and generally comport herself within the bounds of a so-called “real relationship”. I used to worry about this exact phenomenon before I’d dated anyone for longer than six months, and I hated it when my friends would console me with the thought that you “just know” how to act in a real relationship because it “will feel natural”.
(You know what else feels “natural”? Menstrual cramps and aluminium-free deodorant, and I don’t believe in either one of them.) As much as I hate to report it, my friends were mostly right; even the things that stymied me most about the faraway province of other people’s relationships, like meeting each other’s parents and figuring out who drives and who stares dreamily out the window “navigating”, have proved to be fine and, in some cases, genuinely fun when I’ve approached them in the context of a happy and safe partnership. Despite all this rosiness, I can’t help second-guessing myself wh.