A couples therapist has shared her professional insight on what to do if you or your partner can’t let an argument go and bring it up weeks, days, months – even years later. For some people, having a disagreement about a topic is done and dusted once both sides have been heard, or potentially when one person backs down. For others, it can be a source of contention that can’t be resolved and the fighting goes on, getting brought up time and time again.
While most of us might believe that the first stance is the healthiest, Dr Tracy Dalgliesh believes there’s nothing wrong with revisiting a row. Shared on Instagram Threads she wrote: “I'm a couples therapist. Here's what I wish more couples knew about repair.
Being the one to revisit the disagreement doesn't make you the problem for not ‘just letting it go’. “People often confuse wanting to revisit a conversation as being ‘too sensitive’ or ‘holding a grudge.’ But this belief minimises the impact hard and hurtful moments have on a relationship – especially as they build over time.
” 'My husband is living a secret life - I'm devastated but he says I'm overreacting' Offering some helpful advice on the subject, she wrote: “It’s more helpful to view it this way: Initiating repair means you're not willing to repeat old cycles. Revisiting hard conversations is about learning to lean toward your partner, not away. “If you’re the one initiating hard conversations, remember this: You are not too needy .