The thought hit me one day, and just like every other typical ‘Sunday Scaries’ thought, it was taking its sweet time to leave. For most of the day, that statement continually circled around my mind as I tried to wash it away with overpriced matcha and . After a while, I gave up trying to ignore it and instead decided to play detective in my own mind, figuring out where this existentially-charged realisation came from.
The thought inevitably came from one of my previous jobs, where the environment was plagued by severe bullying from my boss — screaming fits in the office, consistent underpayment, and other such delights. It reached a point where the toxicity of my job caused me to stop eating and sleeping entirely. For months, I couldn’t figure out if the chest pain I felt every day when I entered the office was crippling anxiety or my neglected asthma — probably both, in retrospect.
I would often find myself staring up at the ceiling at 3am, thinking, ‘What am I even doing with my life?’ I had worked so incredibly hard during my degree and made so many sacrifices to get the dream opportunity. When I finally did, the reality was a nightmare, far from the dreams I had envisioned. It felt like all my hard work and relentless effort accounted for nothing.
Then, on another day at my favourite café, I was struggling to finish a book when I ran into two friends. In our unplanned catch-up, they told me their exciting news of their upcoming couples trip together — wi.