I Knew Something Was Terribly Wrong Each Time I Fed My Baby. I Was Stunned When I Discovered What It Was.

1. I have been able to laugh and see the funny side of things. 2.

I have looked forward with enjoyment to things. These are the statements I am supposed to mark with a number, from 0-3, to indicate their frequency. My eyes scan the list, and I click my pen anxiously as I decide what to do.

3. I have blamed myself unnecessarily when things went wrong. 4.

I have been anxious or worried for no good reason. I am glad they are asking these questions, glad that someone has acknowledged the emotional turmoil that comes with giving birth. But the statements listed don’t match what I am feeling.

I am experiencing symptoms that aren’t on this questionnaire. And that scares me. The Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale is a screening tool each new mother in America is supposed to receive around six weeks after giving birth.

While it can be a helpful resource for indicating the ever-common postpartum anxiety and depression, I soon learned that other physiological symptoms can impact new motherhood — symptoms I had never heard of before and that are left largely unscreened. So, on this day, six weeks after giving birth to my daughter, I write nothing on the questionnaire and turn it in. I am aware of the roller coaster of hormones that accompany the postpartum period, but I don’t anticipate them.

My pregnancy is uneventful. No mood swings or medical concerns. My daughter is born on a sunny morning in late August with a cool breeze blowing through the window at the community hospita.