hris Duffy isn't going to sugarcoat it: Making friends as an adult is hard. If you’ve ever tried to figure out exactly how to ask a potential platonic connection for their number—or word that first follow-up text—you know what he’s talking about. “It's mortifying,” he says.
“It requires being vulnerable and cringe-worthy and putting yourself out there.” Social awkwardness aside, it’s simply harder to meet new people as an adult, when you no longer have shared high school classes or a college dorm room. Add in , and it’s no wonder many people struggle to make new friends.
Yet despite these obstacles, investing time and energy into growing your community is unequivocally worth it. Friendships keep us and . Plus, “I think a lot of pressure gets put on your partner to be everything,” says Duffy, author of .
“There’s this idea that they’re supposed to be your creative inspiration and your sexual partner and the coparent to your kids, and also your best friend—but friends bring something that your spouse doesn't. You can find parts of yourself and get inspired and have fun” by broadening your group of confidantes. We asked Duffy and other experts how to approach making new friends as an adult, based on the life stage you’re into.
Your 20s are the ideal time to start reflecting on your own friendship-making style—knowledge that will serve you the rest of your life. In part, that means figuring out whether you’re a joiner or an initiator, says .