My husband and I fight over the typical stuff: mostly idiotic misunderstandings but also household chores, who’s walking the dog, vacation plans and so on. No matter the issue, though, and regardless of how intense the argument is, we always come to some kind of resolution—we either arrive at a compromise or, since we’re both a little stubborn, agree to disagree. But, for me, the conflict doesn’t end after we make peace.
I fall into a bit of a post-fight funk—I feel rattled, exhausted and pretty mopey. The worst part: This crappy energy lingers, sometimes for a couple of hours. Rachael Jones, LMFT, PMH-C, a relationship therapist and co-owner of Trailhead Therapy outside of Chicago says that it’s super common to feel upset, disturbed or like you’re standing on shaky ground after you quarrel with a person you’re emotionally invested in (like your partner).
“This is as near to a universal experience as something can be,” Jones says. As normal as the emotional aftermath may be, however, it doesn’t feel great, which is why I wanted to know if there’s anything you can do to snap out of it. So I reached out to two therapists and asked: How to get over a fight with your partner and shake off the post-tiff blues, so you can stop sulking and start feeling like yourself again? Here’s what they said.
Why fights can take time—and energy—to get over Going to war with a person you care a lot about is a highly emotional thing. As tension builds, your brain shif.