Dear Haya, I've been struggling with a problem that has led to me getting into so many other issues one after another. I have a very hard time saying no to people and often give into requests if I'm ever approached for help or kind of favours. In all of this, all these years, I've noticed that I burden myself trying to keep people happy and put myself under immense pressure of living up to their expectations.
I understand it is me who's responsible for the outcome of not being able to say no straight away because my very giving and soft-spoken nature. Now, however, I feel really burdened and stressed as the load of all the yeses I've said in my life has grown exponentially and being a people pleaser is never something I had wanted to be — neither in my personal or professional life. Please tell me how to start saying no and be assertive.
— A chronic people pleaser Hello chronic people pleaser, It’s clear that you’re carrying a significant amount of stress and emotional burden from struggling to say no and manage others’ expectations. Your desire to help and your giving nature are valuable traits, but it sounds like they have led you to feel overwhelmed and unfulfilled, neglecting your own needs and well-being. It’s important to recognise that your feelings are valid and that it’s okay to prioritise your own needs.
The good news is it is always better late than never! Being assertive is a skill that anyone can learn at any point in their lives. And yes you can be.