Reality bites PHILLIP SCHOFIELD was back on the box this week, after being banished from TV a while ago, and forced to live in that hideous land where there are no autocues, cameras or Holly Willoughbies hovering near your right shoulder. In other words, he was given a stiff dose of the real world . And anyone who has ever spent any amount of time in the Zone of Reality will agree it’s a hideous place to hang out.
So it was perhaps with relief that Phil was plunked on a desert island somewhere warm and palm-tree-studded, and forced to grow stubble on his chin, which is probably a metaphor for hardship in TV-land. The show was Cast Away, and it was broadcast on Channel 5, a sort of desert island of a television channel, located in an ocean far from the notice of discerning viewers. Will Phil’s impersonation of Robinson Crusoe lead to more telly opportunities, and perhaps a rapprochement with Holly? We’re not sure, though he is always welcome to send his CV to the Diary , where we’re on the hunt for a quick and agile mind to look after the stationery cupboard.
After a few decades in that coveted position, he’d surely be rewarded with a stint as a junior reporter, where he could work on stories, such as the following classic tales from our archives...
Cruellest cut A GLASGOW woman entered the bedroom and spied one of those cardboard tubes of Pringles crisps. Giving it a shake, she realised only a few crumbs were left. Being peckish, she pulled off the lid and poured th.