Groovy gaff THE scandal involving Labour snaffling up freebies from their best buddy, the very wealthy Lord Alli, continues to rumble on. We’ll probably soon find out that on Christmas Eve it isn’t Santa who tumbles down Keir Starmer’s flume. It’s Lord A, with a sack full of exquisitely tailored suits, spectacles and expensive dresses.

Forget tangerines and walnuts stuffed into an old sock at the end of the Prime Minister’s bed...

that’s not Lord A’s style. And it’s not Sir Keir - man of the people’s - style either. We’ve now discovered that the PM’s favourite benefactor gifted him the use of a swanky London gaff, so Son of Keir could have peace and quiet to study for school exams.

Apparently no one considered tossing the lad a couple of cotton buds, with the recommendation that he stuff them in his ears while hitting the text books. Sadly, the Diary doesn’t get handed any juicy freebies. Instead of gift-wrapped boxes, we receive letters in the post, usually containing helpful suggestions, such as "must do better" and "sack the bleedin’ Diary Editor".

Even a tangerine and nut wedged in a smelly old sock is better than that. We’re kidding, of course. Our tales are adored by all, for they are magnificent, magisterial and must-read material, as you’ll discover while reading the following classic yarns from our archives.

.. Food for thought SOMETHING to ponder.

.. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Ameri.