'It all accumulated after we got home from a day out,' says Shivani, who regularly juggles the competing demands of a and toddler while her husband works away. It takes a surprising amount of mental and physical preparation to leave the house with children: mapping out the route with ample stops, the snacks, the toys, the nappies, the change of . ‘All day it felt like nothing I could do was good enough, and when we got home, my two-year-old was just screaming for more, climbing all over me, pulling my hair and nipples as I tried to breastfeed,’ she says.
‘I was so touched out, it felt like my body was being violated.’ She remembers standing in the kitchen, a red rage washing over her. ‘I just lost it and began screaming uncontrollably,’ adding, ‘When someone grabs you, your reflex is to lash back and that’s a scary feeling when you’re a parent.
’ The maternal rage Shivani describes is defined as the uncontrollable anger women feel through the lens of motherhood. As psychologist explains, ‘ it is often the result of a direct physical threat, overwhelm or a violated or unmet need usually for self-care.’ As humans, we often enter a flight or freeze state when this happens, which can cause the part of our brain responsible for emotions to take over and make us lose touch with moral reason.
'All we see is raging red, and at this point, we quite literally, flip our lid,’ Boyd adds. In many ways, to be a woman in today’s climate is to live on the outskirts.