Before having kids, many couples have a general sense of how they split their household chores. Maybe one partner cooks dinner and walks the dog, maybe the other cleans up and runs errands. But how does that allocation change when a baby comes along? Who warms the bottles, changes the diapers or shushes baby back to sleep? That’s what couples coach Aaron Steinberg helps expecting parents figure out.
“The division of roles and responsibilities is the biggest difficulty that parents face” when bringing home a new baby, he says. What often happens is that both parents feel like they’re taking on too many tasks, he says. And that can lead to resentment -- on top of the stress of taking care of a newborn.
To prevent this from happening, says Steinberg, couples should have a conversation about how to manage household and child care duties well before Tiny arrives. He and relationship scientist and perinatal therapist Shy Porter offer tips on how to create a fair workload in the postpartum period. Write down all your chores In order to split the domestic workload fairly , you and your partner need to understand what the workload entails, says Steinberg.
So sit down together and write out a list of all your household chores, including any anticipated child care duties. The list should include: Daily chores like laundry and dishes Less visible labor like meal planning and scheduling doctor’s appointments Big projects leading up to baby’s arrival , like setting up the nurse.