It didn’t take long for the tears to flow on Joan Vassos ’ premiere episode of The Golden Bachelorette , with many fans admitting they were already “crying” just minutes into the episode. Joan had admitted prior to the start of her season that a part of her struggled with an idea that she was “cheating” on her late husband John, who fans first heard about when she originally competed for Gerry Turner ’s affections on The Golden Bachelor. And while she also credited her late husband for being one of the reasons she felt confident enough to sign up for the show, that didn’t mean she was putting their history to the side.

F ans boycott Golden Bachelorette premiere as they rage over 'sick' franchise Golden Bachelorette Joan Vassos has two simple requests for her future partner Fans were reminded of that as Joan’s season opened, and she shared more about the history she shared with John. However, it also left them with tears streaming down their faces. In the opening moments, Joan shared a brief look at the 33 years she shared with her husband, before opening up about a trip they were supposed to take that was put off when her husband didn’t feel well–which turned into a pancreatic cancer diagnosis.

Joan then admitted she went into a state where she refused to believe he was going to die, even as he continued to get worse–and broke down in tears as she recalled the day he died, and how he had been alive at 1 a.m., but when she returned at 3 a.

m. after going.