Dear Eric: I'm a 52-year-old mother and grandmother. My daughter and granddaughter live with me due to some bad life choices my daughter has made. It's very clear to me that being a mother is not high on her priority list nor does she have the energy or motivation to step up.
I have basically become a mother again as I tend to my granddaughter's needs all the time. I'm her main caregiver and I'm her "person." She prefers me over her mother in every and any situation.
I would rather do this on my own with my granddaughter and have mom just go live her life because I'm giving my daughter the best of both worlds — she's here with her daughter, but I'm doing all the heavy-lifting. How do I overcome my resentment for my daughter? And please don't suggest I sit her down and tell her how I feel. Been there, done that.
No amount of talking or motivation gets through to my daughter. She is who she is, and she will never change. — Grandmother Turned Mother Dear Grandmother: I'm sorry to say that if she's not going to change, then you have to be the one to shift.
Your resentment is rooted in an expectation that she'll step up and take responsibility. That's not an unrealistic expectation in the grand scheme, but with respect to your daughter, it is. That resentment may never fully go away because this burden isn't fair to you.
But it'll decrease if you remind yourself "this is who she is and I love all of who she is, even the parts I don't like." The choices are either: (1) set a ha.