IT’S not the fact all of the contestants are naked and unpixelated on television’s latest dating show abomination which gets me. Nor is it the way the blokes keep doing press-ups, inside their starkers compound, that has me wanting to lob bricks at my television. It’s the very earnest but misleading health and safety disclaimer which pops up at the end of every episode that really pushes me over the edge.
“Strict hygiene and dignity protocols were in place during filming.” DIGNITY? In place where? The sixth circle of hell? ’Cos those protocols sure as hell weren’t in place on the seventh, where you’ll find Dating Naked , a series hosted by Rylan Clark and available from today on the Paramount+ subscription channel, the only people on Earth who watched Channel 4’s Naked Attraction and thought: “All that’s wrong with the show is the studio setting. Ship these exhibitionist morons out to Colombia and we’ve got ourselves a hit.
” So they did, and then let the Love Island blueprint take over in all but one very crucial respect. The big issue here being the contestants, who are suitably cocksure but all seem to have ended up on entirely the wrong show, especially Romeo, who says: “I love a girl who dresses well.” Slim pickings, then, with this bunch, who also fall very awkwardly between two dating show stools.
For they’re certainly not odd-looking enough to appear on Naked Attraction, but nor are most of them quite fit enough for Love Island, w.