Dear Carol: My mom’s blessed with relatively good health for someone in her early 80s. She has enough money to live nicely, if not in luxury. She has attentive adult children and nice grandchildren.
So, what’s my question? She’s constantly complaining. I’ll add that she’s always been negative, so this isn’t completely new, it’s just worse than it used to be. I try to adjust what I can to see if that helps, but if I fix one thing, she’ll find something else to complain about.
I know aging isn’t fun, but really, this is wearing. How do I help her become happier or at least capable of enjoying a few things about her last years? — AY Dear AY: Like so many caregivers, your heart is in the right place, but you’re trying to do the impossible. We can’t fix aging, and we can’t make others happy.
If your mom’s always been negative, she’s unlikely to change now. Don’t discount that she could have legitimate complaints. With that in mind, try to determine if pain is an issue that hasn’t been addressed by her doctor.
Physical therapy or chiropractic might help her live more comfortably. If she’s been having bladder discomfort, she might need to be checked for a low-grade urinary tract infection. If you see changes that indicate depression, try to convince her to see a counselor or psychologist.
Additionally, medications can sometimes cause subtle mood swings, anxiety, or depression. Maybe it’s time for a medication review with her doctor. Does she fee.