‘What if I’d done this, or if I’d done that? What if I hadn’t shouted at her this time’, Esther Ghey kept asking after her daughter Brianna was stabbed to death. Brianna was just 16 when ‘would-be serial killer’ Scarlett Jenkinson and ‘very smart sociopath’ Eddie Ratcliffe lured her to Culceth Linear Park and murdered her on February 11 last year. Both were 15 at the time.
The horror sent thoughts and regrets racing through Esther’s head, but she managed to keep them at bay. ‘When Brianna died’, she told Metro , ‘I would go for walks with my eldest and my husband, and we would really take that time out to notice the blossoms and the birds and the beauty in the world. ‘In that moment, we were okay, even though around us it was horrific.
I suppose it’s giving yourself that peace and that space in the eye of the storm.’ She added: ‘Those thoughts still do come into my mind, but I can choose whether to ruminate on that or not.’ ‘I have good days and I have bad days, and as time is going on, you have less bad days.
’ What helped was something Esther has been practicing on and off for the last eight years – mindfulness. ‘If I’d have asked Brianna to practice mindfulness, she would have just been like, “You’re so weird mum, why are you trying to make me do this?”‘, Esther said. ‘And I think I might have been the same as a teenager.
’ But as an adult, it’s been a lifeline. Overwhelmed by stress and anxiety as a full-time matur.