: Last year, my girlfriend “Harper” broke up with me. I was in my first year of college; she was a senior in high school. Related Articles Harper admitted that she had fallen into a substance and alcohol abuse problem while in the last month of our relationship.
When I asked if I could help now, she told me that I was a “fixer” and “she did not want to fix these issues.” Recently, mutual friends of ours (also seniors in high school) have reached out to tell me that the addiction has gotten worse and asked me for help on what to do. I suggested an intervention with friends but, since these kids organizing the intervention are just seniors in high school, I also offered to speak to Harper’s parents.
When I told my family, they all unanimously told me I should stay out of it and not get involved. I know she also told me to stay out of it, but don’t her parents have a right to know what’s going on? Am I even the right person to get involved or would I just look like the crazy ex-girlfriend? Harper and your family have been very clear. Inserting yourself is only going to complicate things for Harper and for you.
Many people who have “fixer” tendencies would do better asking themselves what a “helper” would do. Helping often starts (and sometimes stops) with the question “do you want my help at all?” Kaitlin Kindman, LCSW, of Kindman & Company, told me, “There are boundaries here and it’s not OK to cross them. A letter to Harper may be a good way o.