Dear Eric: I’m a 52-year-old mother and grandmother. My daughter and granddaughter live with me due to some bad life choices my daughter has made. It’s very clear to me that being a mother is not high on her priority list nor does she have the energy or motivation to step up.
I have basically become a mother again as I tend to my granddaughter’s needs all the time. I’m her main caregiver and I’m her “person”. She prefers me over her mother in every and any situation.
While my granddaughter is my pride and joy, I can’t help but be angry most of the time because (1) my life is no longer my own and is certainly not what I envisioned at this age; (2) I pay for everything because my daughter can’t land a meaningful job and, if she does, it’s not for long; and (3) I’d rather be doing anything else but playing with a toddler and watching toddler shows as I find it extremely boring. I would rather do this on my own with my granddaughter and have mom just go live her life because I’m giving my daughter the best of both worlds — she’s here with her daughter, but I’m doing all the heavy-lifting. How do I overcome my resentment for my daughter? And please don’t suggest I sit her down and tell her how I feel.
Been there, done that. No amount of talking or motivation gets through to my daughter. She is who she is, and she will never change.
— Grandmother Turned Mother Dear Grandmother: I’m sorry to say that if she’s not going to change, then you have t.