Who do you think will have a more difficult bereavement when their parents die: those in a serene and loving relationship or those in a difficult and distant one? You might be surprised to know it is the latter group. Losing someone close will always be difficult. Grief is normal , and will bring intense sadness and longing for the person, disturbed sleep and appetite, along with tiredness and reduced motivation to engage with everyday life.
However, this emotional state will slowly abate, usually within six months, and most people will return to their previous life of work, family commitments and daily routines, even if the sadness and the longing will continue for long after that, usually in sudden and unexpected waves. However, around one in 10 people experiencing a loss will develop “complicated grief”, a clinical term used to describe a prolonged state of emotional suffering following the death of someone close to us. This persists beyond six months and is accompanied by pervasive, intense daily sadness, inability to accept the person’s death, numbness and detachment from the social environment, and difficulties in returning to previous activities at home and at work.
Many factors increase the risk of experiencing complicated grief , and one of them is a difficult, distant or conflictual relationship. In this case, the loss may trigger additional clashing emotions besides sadness: relief that the person will no longer make us suffer, anger at the way they behaved, .