A re you feeling tired?* I’m going to take an educated guess that the answer is yes. I think I know maybe one person who isn’t tired. One of the most devastating moments of motherhood for me has been recovering from the trauma of a year of sleep deprivation only to discover that I am still tired, and I probably will be for the next 25 years, by which point I’ll be tired because I’ll be old.
So, I have been wondering: what does it really mean to be tired? Why are we tired – and what kind of tired are we? I think we’re all working very hard, all the time. We are working hard to survive, to look after our homes, our families and our friends; we face financial worries; we live with medical conditions. Some of this hard work contributes towards building a better life – but there is another kind of work that many of us are doing which does the opposite.
Sometimes, feeling tired feels good. It is satisfying to feel the ache in my muscles after a pilates class, a swim in the sea, a good cry and a few other things that are best read between the lines. I sometimes even used to like a tired hangover if I had nothing to do but drink coffee and watch a film during the day (the ultimate tired pastime for someone who doesn’t like naps).
But I sometimes feel a different quality of fatigue sweeping through me. I notice it most acutely – as with most things – when I am with my psychoanalyst. It’s a bone-tired, ready-to-give-up kind of slump.
It is the draining of energy t.