As children – and this is especially true of girls – we are praised for being kind, for helping out, for being accommodating. Carrying those traits into adulthood earns us further validation. Being the woman your friends, your boss, your colleagues know will say ‘Yes’ to everything helps you get on in life.
Things just feel easier if people like you. And so, ‘people pleasing’ becomes a personality trait; one you keep reinforcing, no matter how much pressure that heaps on you, no matter how loud that inner voice says: ‘I don’t have the capacity for this.’ The video player is currently playing an ad.
Skip Ad You ignore it, because all that matters is maintaining your ‘Good Girl’ image. Until, eventually, you break. Trust me, I should know.
When clients describe their pathological need to be perfect, to not let anyone down, and to be liked by all, I nod in recognition. So-called Good Girl Syndrome is debilitating. Three years ago it saw me so burnt out that, for a while, I could barely function.
I wasn’t able to tell my husband what I wanted to eat for dinner; to engage with my children; to even pick up my phone. All I wanted to do was lie on the sofa. My nerves felt so exposed, it was as though I’d lost my skin.
Until then I had been saying ‘Yes’ to every request, no matter what that cost me. Anonymous In my pursuit of constant approval, I’d been giving myself away as if I were an endless resource. Now, I had nothing left to give.
It was a scary .