Advice: Why do my in-laws help their daughter with her children but not me?

A reader bristles at the child care that her mother-in-law provides for her wealthy daughter, who the reader doesn’t think needs free help as much as she does. Q: I am a married woman with two young kids. Our family moved to Dallas during the pandemic to be close to my in-laws – and for the help they would give us.

So far, we haven’t gotten much, and I am beyond frustrated. My wealthy sister-in-law, who doesn’t work, treats my mother-in-law like a live-in nanny. She travels frequently and leaves her children with her parents.

So my husband and I, who work full time, get little help. We are exhausted! What should I do? I think my sister-in-law is taking advantage of her mother, but I feel uncomfortable asking for help because my mother-in-law is so tired. Also, my sister-in-law has access to nannies.

Help! – Daughter-in-law A: I sympathise with any parent struggling to find good, affordable child care. But unless you omitted some important details here, you and your husband seem to have misjudged the situation in Dallas. Before you moved, did your in-laws offer to help with the children? Did you ask them if they would? Because if child care was a major reason for relocating, discussing it with them was essential.

Now I understand that you believe your sister-in-law is better able to pay for child care than you are. But you must also see that a daughter asking her mother for help may register differently from a daughter-in-law asking for the same. (Not always, but oft.