Dear Meghan: How do I get my 14-year-old daughter to open up about her struggles? Lately, I’ve heard her talking to friends about how she feels unlovable and was hurt by a past relationship with a boy who told her he loved her then dumped her for another girl. I thought he was just a friend. She seems very hung up and worried about getting a boyfriend and being in a relationship and those things making her worthy or lovable.
I try to bring up these topics but she acts like I am crazy. I do so many things to help make her understand her worth and how loved she is, but she’s stuck on seeking out the external validation of a teen boy. How can I help her? – Concerned Parent Concerned parent: I wish I could wave a wand and make this easier for you and your daughter.
It is painful to watch our children struggle, and it’s even more painful when we feel we have so much wisdom and support to offer them. To be clear: It is not abnormal for a 14-year-old girl to seem “hung up” on having a boyfriend, nor is it abnormal for her to keep this from you. Humans are designed to be more and more private as they get older, so it stands to reason that she isn’t giving you a play-by-play of her love life.
So how can you move forward? I don’t know if you are doing this, but one communication technique that fails, 10 times out of 10, is telling a teen anything about themselves. It is obvious to you that your daughter is lovable, clearly, but “telling” her this is the fastest way .