Ready to try bondage? You're not alone. Almost 20 percent of adults have tried bondage or want to try it, according to a May 2024 study led by Lovehoney’s scientific advisor, Justin Lehmiller, PhD , alongside the Kinsey Institute . Of course, it makes sense— bondage can be extremely sexy , pleasurable, and rewarding for both parties, says UberKinky sex expert Ruby Payne .
“You can experiment with BDSM , power play, and explore new areas of pleasure you may have never considered,” says Payne. But before the binding begins, we put together some expert advice on what equipment to use, how to be safe, and 18 (yes, there are that many ways to tie someone up!) bondage sex positions to get yourselves all locked in. Whether you’re new to bondage or you’re a shibari master , the first step is finding a partner you trust completely.
“Bondage requires an intense level of vulnerability and trust on the part of the person being tied up. Both you and your partner need to be enthusiastic and feel safe enough with each other to try and go there,” says Angie Rowntree , founder and director of Sssh.com , a site for sex-positive, ethical porn made from a woman’s point of view.
And contrary to popular belief, you don’t need to know how to tie complex nautical knots, or even how to tie your shoes to get started. Restraint can be something as simple as pinning someone’s wrists down during sex. “If you are truly new to bondage, start small—and soft—and see how that feels for you both,” says Rowntree.
“If you don’t like metal cuffs, you might vibe with Velcro and nylon or fur-lined cuffs,” she says. Go further using cotton or hemp rope, handcuffs , bondage tape, or DIY it with a tie, belt or an old t-shirt. Even though it might not be as complicated as some people might think, bondage does require a ton of safety—safe equipment, safe words , safe communication, the works.
Below, some helpful expert advice on what you need to know before busting out the rope. “Bondage done wrong can cost you or your partner life and/or limb—so don’t randomly pick up things and tie knots,” says Rowntree, who says that if you want to get your feet wet even in just a basic way, you should start by learning. She recommends taking a course, checking out the beginner bondage adult sex ed on Sssh.
com , or “ Midori’s Consent Dojo ” series on YouTube. “Have a pair of scissors nearby should a knot get stuck or either partner wants to unwrap quickly,” says sexologist Midori , educator and author of The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage . If you’re using handcuffs, make sure they have a quick-release lever or that you have the keys nearby.
And don’t tie knots too tightly—you should be to be able to slide two fingers between the skin and the rope. “Movement and pressure can cause the knots to tighten, so this additional squirming space is essential,” says Payne. Have conversations beforehand on what would be exciting and fun, and agree on the parameters, says Rowntree.
“Have a safe word, safe gesture, or a mechanism to alert your partner that you need to pause or stop the scene. The person being restrained should never feel scared or unsafe. When playtime is over, and you shift into aftercare , take some time to check in with each other about what just happened.
” Sound good? Kinda scary? Both? There are no wrong answers. Below, some bondage positions to keep you tied up for a while. If some of them seem too advanced for now, don’t be scared to modify or make up some of your own! “What’s your favorite sex position? Start with that and use the ropes to tie the partner into that shape!” says Midori.
“It’s totally fine to keep it simple—after all, fun and steamy are the objectives.".
