Over the seven years of my journalistic career I have interviewed criminals, sat next to murderers in court and chased tornadoes - but it’s this taste test that has my heart pounding the hardest. On a trip to Tesco last week I saw something I had never come across before: a full burger that you can microwave. I moved to London from New Zealand last year, and was unfamiliar with the concept of a Rustlers burger until now.
I was mystified by it, and also slightly in awe. To me, it appears the creators of these burgers were so fixated on whether they could, that they never stopped to wonder if they should. The concept of a microwavable cheeseburger fills me with fear, and that fear is twofold: first, that I will get some sort of horrendous beef-borne illness, and second, that I’ll actually come to love this bizarre microwavable meal.
I decided to face my fear and do it anyway, so I picked up a Rustler’s quarter pounder and read the instructions meticulously. As I cracked open the packet a greasy waft of McDonald’s aroma washed over me and I felt a split second of relief. I like McDonalds, maybe this would all be okay afterall.
However, inspection of the hockey puck-like meat patty dashed those hopes. It was concerningly grey, with strings of congealed fat lacing the top of the disc. I took a deep breath and popped the whole thing (well, burger and bun) into the microwave for one minute and 10 seconds exactly.
Once I had unstuck the cheese from its plastic casing - noting.
