This is what UEFA wanted. They hoped for endless goals, twisting storylines and a sensory overload. Was the idea of playing all 18 final group-stage games in the Champions League at the same time a good one? Not sure yet, still a bit frazzled, but it can be said with some confidence that the period from the 10th minute to the 15th minute of Bayer Leverkusen versus Sparta Prague was as interesting as watching grass grow.
The Athletic has handed me the considerable challenge of watching all 18 of these matches. Why? Unclear. How? Well, we’ll be going in five minutes slots, because 5 x 18 = 90 minutes.
Easy. Sixteen games have something riding on them, three points separate third from 13th. It should be exciting at every turn, right? Even before its inaugural last-match dance this was being dubbed “Matchday Mayhem” or, if you’re German, “XXL Spieltag”.
Is this the new deadline day? The new final day of a league season? Maybe it’s the new Eurovision...
five minutes to impress the viewer as we watch the best talent Europe has to offer? Advertisement There are definitely similarities between Eurovision and the Champions League. With their camp melodrama, weird voting schemes and accusations of bias, UEFA is not for everyone, but let’s give this a go. There’s a plan and a schedule in place.
We’re hunting for goals, action, tension and drama. We’ll start with Aston Villa versus Celtic in the hope of experiencing, through the medium of television, a crackling atm.
