One of the most basic friendship duties is learning how to be happy for your friend. At minimum, you should probably be jumping for joy when they tell you they’re engaged, for example, or landed the dream job they’ve been working towards since college. Easy enough, right? Rooting for your bestie can become a little more complicated when your pal is clearly thriving while you’re, well, not.
Even if you truly want to see them succeed, the ultra-modern three-bedroom house they just bought might feel like a slap in the face if you’re living paycheck to paycheck in a shoebox apartment. Or maybe you’re having a bit of a Sex and the City moment—when Charlotte, while struggling with infertility, can’t help but feel salty after Miranda announces she’s pregnant. Despite how completely natural it is, experiencing envy in friendships isn’t a common topic of discussion—partly because it’s kind of embarrassing to admit—but also because most of us don’t want to come off as (or feel like) the bad friend.
However, these pangs of insecurity can actually be an invitation to personal growth, says Adia Gooden, PhD, clinical psychologist and host of the Unconditionally Worthy podcast. “It might be a wake-up call regarding certain expectations we set for ourselves that we haven’t met yet, or perhaps we subconsciously feel like someone else’s achievement is a threat to our own,” Dr. Gooden says.
Wholeheartedly supporting your pals while prioritising your own well-be.
